I'm Crying Right Now

Why am I still here? I mean, I literally am in the hallway of the hotel writing my eassay with face that yells: “F**k, F**k, F**k, F**k, F**k, F**k, F**k, F**k!!!!!” I spent the last two days trying to make an internal mock that csot me hours of sleep and really, any sense of hope towards myself and Mathematics at all (I sort of hate it more than anything right now) I now have to spit out four hundred words so I can just be okay with myself and say: “Well, at least I tried you know, not like expected anything more than just turning it in.” Yeah, that´s my life right now, and I also just got some cheap 120 words in about 6 minutes to start off. Not bad to be honest.

What then came to my head is the fact that I am doing this to feel that I am free. I’m talking now about the essay, I´m talking about the program (IB) and school as a whole. Only us in the program are the stupidest people in the high school to feel smart and capable of such task, I still remember when we first entered, everyone was just a show-off the their average grade in Middle School, most people has straight As and didn´t shy away from telling everybody that. Looking back on it, that just tells me how much morons we really are. At least half of us is about to quit on their lives and simply not do anything and get NE for the rest of the semester (me right now, sorry by the way, on the IOC, we never got the time to record each other, transcribe, and rerecord with the math project on top of these essays and the competitions knocking on the door, and also the IOC for Spanish, man do I want to cry. BTW, is it OK if we turn that in sometime later in the week?). I now have six minutes to get to four hundred words and the rant on my life is sort of getting dry and loosing sense like this.

I just want you to know that we are alive and kicking all three of us and that we are sorry for any inconvenience coming to you in the next few days from our part and please also tell every teacher that you know teaches us the same thing about us. I am very sleepy and I get weird when I’m sleepy and also my girlfiend in watching me type this right now but we love you Joel, and forgive us for this. And I did this in 3 minutes, victory was mine.