"The door to the underworld"
It was a cold dark afternoon the grey and black clouds surrounding us the wind was strong, and the snow below was covering our shoes like a smooth talcum.
We were trying to find the village, but by that time we had walked for hours from our house in the woods to the village. We needed to buy provisions, but mainly firewood to keep our house warm during the winter, where I live with my little sister Clary.
We kept walking for another few hours, but it started to snow, and the wind was so strong that it started to pulling us away from our path, it was a storm, a snow storm and it made our road extremely hard and dangerous, so we decided to take another road.
We walked some miles and then finally we found something, a church or it seemed like a church from the distance.
We decided to walk towards it, and ask for sanctuary till the storm ceased.
We walked to what seemed the front door and knocked praying that somebody had heard us, after three knocks a monk opened the door we asked for sanctuary and he accepted, but he told us we could only stay for one night.
I don't know why, but the monk was a suspicious to me, maybe it was the fact that we could not see his face because it was covered with the hoodie of his robe when we finally enter he showed us where we were going to pass the night, and he told us that dinner was in ten minutes so we left our belonging and immediately made our way to the dinning room.
When we arrived he asked us to sit.
He took off his hoodie and I could see what was the suspicious thing about him, his face was gruesome, it had severe burns all over his face.
I couldn't help it, my curiosity won upon my common sense, so I asked him what had happened to him and he told us the story of how the church had burned some years ago and how he was there when the terrible accident happened. "It was a quiet and peaceful night we all went to our beds, but at midnight a scream woke me up I stood up as fast as I could and made my way to the center of the church where all our pupils and sisters slept then I saw it, the fire, the church was burning I couldn't think of anything else but save the girls and the sisters we all managed to get out of the church, we thought that we were all safe, when suddenly another scream echoed throughout the burning walls of the church the only thing I thought was that there was a girl trapped inside the church so I made my way to the inside of the church to take her out, I looked for her everywhere when I finally saw her, I tried to get her out but she was trapped, I manage to free her but a column fell down trapping me, the column was over me, I tried to free myself but I couldn't" the monk said "Well it's time to go to bed,tomorrow you will have to walk a long way to get to the village" the monk told us "But I thought we were not that far from the village" I told the monk "Oh my friend you just deviate for more than three hundred miles from the village" "Oh well so I guess we should definitely go to sleep so that we can continue our way in the morning, thank you for the magnificent food and for letting us stay in here" I told the monk " There is no need to be thankful my friend, you really don't know what you are saying"He told me "Ok time for sleep let's go Clary" I said to my little sister but she was already in her bed "Good night Sebastian, have sweet dreams" he told me. That phrase captured my attention because how did he knew my name, I just mention Clary's name I never mentioned mine. I start thinking about the fact that how did he knew my name if I never mentioned it before but also about the story he told us but I was too tired to think more about it so I just went to bed. But I started having nightmares, I was dreaming of the story he told us, about how the church burned but there was something about his story that did not fit in, because he said "I tried to go out but I couldn't" and suddenly I saw It, I was in the church meanwhile it was burning I saw a girl trapped maybe the girl the monk tried to save but she looked a lot like my sister "Clary!" I screamed but no sound came out of my mouth, but the monk was there trying to save her, I saw how the monk got trapped by the column on fire but as he said he couldn't go out he just stayed there trapped as the church fell into pieces as the fire consume it slowly until the church finally burned but the curious thing was that only half of the church burned, the back part was completely vanished, replacing it there were just ashes, I walked around the church and what I could see was that in the back of the church, the part that had burned there was a graveyard and as I walked to graveyard I could see that the only thing left of the back part of the church was a stone arch, a door I walked around the church to see that that stone arch was sort of a door that lead to a graveyard in the back of the church, I walked again to the inside of the church, and I made my way directly to the back part where the stone arch was supposed to be but in the moment that I was about to pass through the stone door I woke up. After that dream I just wanted to get my sister and go away from there but as I turned to wake her up, she was no longer in her bed, I got out of my bed and I started looking for her, and then I saw her she was with the monk, but the monk was leading her to the door, stone door of my dream. "Clary!" I screamed but she did not turn around, so I start to run in her direction and I continued to scream her name, but she did not respond to my screams, instead the monk turned his face to my direction, and the only thing he said was: "Finally" and then he took my sister through the stone arch door, I ran out of the church to go to the other side, the burned side to save my sister but as I arrived there, no one was there, nor the monk nor Clary were there, there was nothing, nothing at all not even footsteps in the snow, I could do anything about it, I could not believe it, my sister was gone, Clary was gone forever and then I realized, the girl in my dream, the girl that the monk saved but he died in the fire was just like my sister, the monk was waiting all this years for Clary, he was waiting just to take her with him, take her through the the door to the underworld.
Great post!! Your written voice shines through at various points in the narrative. Good use of alternate, dream setting. A tighter beginning would strengthen the mood. Show more, rather than tell and use sentence structure to help craft the atmosphere. Keep up the good work!!
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